play let's pretend

the game of playing let's pretend... i think i am a real pro at it by now. i guess so since i started it in secondary school. sometimes, i think that it is so damn hard to play that i want to give up. but before that, i have to think about how other people would react when i do that. would they be shocked? accepting? ignorant? i guess i will never know cause i do not intend to give it up. at least not now.

it is so easy to smile in front of my friends and family. so easy that sometimes i do not know if the smile is fake or genuine anymore. i wonder if anyone knew that i was crying inside when i smiled. i wonder if anyone knew that my smiling was an act of tolerance. if one day i stop smiling, what would happen?

some friends say i am good at counseling. some friends say they like that i am happy and smile every day. they are comfortable with me. so mostly, i am the go-to girl when there are problems. i help solve problems. or at least i try. i really do. but each time i fail at doing it, i feel like crying. but i smile instead. like now.

我的笑送给你，希望你快乐。你的难过都给我。 at least this sentence is genuine now. i will keep smiling just so that you will be happy. i will keep smiling just so that you will smile back. and i will keep smiling just for you. and you. and you.

tsubasa^^ you smile at one, she/he smiles at you, and so one smile makes two.