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29 October 2011

Sick :S

I wonder what's with my immune system these days that I'm falling sick every other week. And I can't afford to fall sick now at this crucial time when I have so many assignments and projects due. Even as I'm writing this I feel like puking my guts out. But I'm holding it in since I know how messy it can get hah. My stomach is churning, my throat is hurting, my muscles are aching. All signs of a fever. And I'm chugging down water like nobody's business. Please oh please do not fall sick my body because I still need you to function for another month! I seriously want to blame the weather hoho.

On top of that, my parents are nagging me (ME for goodness sake) about my sisters not studying. Hello excuse me? I'm not the one NOT studying here. I understand they feel I will have a better hand controlling them but I can say I can't. They are stubborn little pricks who prefer to watch shows and play computer games than studying. And when their results come out bad, it's not their fault. Blame it on the whole universe boohoo. Will somebody teach me how to control them? I'm seriously getting tired of it. Thanks.

tsubasa^^ I give up. I'm sick and tired.

~ { 7:16 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


28 October 2011

you are now a memory

a dream but never a reality

~ { 12:32 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


26 October 2011

Sizzle sizzle

Had a very fulfilling (not academically uhhem) day today :):) went with my econs clique (oops got jx so what do I call our clique now? Hmmm... Maybe call us the uni babies like xy haha!) to sizzlers at Suntec for a fabulous dinner! Haven't seen the whole group of us together since kl's birthday so it was quite fun :):) grace (cy's girlfriend) was with us so he 收敛 a bit but in the end it was quite fail. Haha! Arcade was fun with a madness for playing the (what do you call that?) toy-catching machine. Kl caught two toys at one go. So fun!!! Stich and Dale :):) a great night but tomorrow we all have school :/ so it's night night for us!

It feels really great to be hanging out with friends again instead of facing the computer knowing that I won't do my projects. Haha! These few weeks I've been so busy doing projects that I haven't been studying. Totally lagging behind in all my modules. I am so dead! Have to start studying again. One more month to exams :/ I shall start this weekend (I hope my willpower is strong enough) after I more or less settled my projects. I need the motivation to study but who will give it to me? Bogged down by problems so I need to go talk to my stars soon. Jiayou xf! You can do it!

tsubasa^^ I shall endure.

~ { 11:57 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


25 October 2011

Epic fail

I don't get it. I seriously don't. Why do people always make me feel like a complete failure? It may not be entirely my fault. But still. I guess I'm a pessimist? Half cup empty instead of full. Just once I would like people to go along with me and do what I want. Maybe that would let me think that at least I succeeded at something. I'm not beautiful, not smart, not interesting. I know all that. So can I live in the fantast that I'm at least good at something? But people are not giving me the chance. So it all boils down to me: I fail alot. Lol. Studies, family, relationships.

I'm giving up. I think. It's not as though I haven't tried. I know I tried. Maybe not hard enough. I don't know. Right now, I don't really care either. Maybe my thinking will change in the future. I seriously hope so.

tsubasa^^ I'm giving up. Really.

~ { 10:44 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


24 October 2011

Happy birthday October babies! :):)

I was going to post this yesterday but I forgot :/ haha! Happy 21st birthday to all the October babies! Wanjing, Veronica, Siying and Timothy :):) I was thinking this is the first time that we can actually celebrate with no clashes with the army and exams haha!

Now that October has arrived, it will be two more months before we will start celebrating our 22nd birthday. Oh my god. We are growing up so fast! Okay it is still two months away so I shall not worry hehe. Oops I mean five more months for me :P I feel super old now: people just celebrated their 21st and I am counting down to my 22nd?!? :/:/ sian to the max!!!

tsubasa^^ I. Am. Old.

~ { 4:33 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


16 October 2011

Who are you?

You are one of the scary ones who show only half of who you really are. Maybe lesser. I have never known you. Not since the beginning and definitely not now. I cannot believe that I am actually afraid of you. Not physically. I simply have no idea what you are thinking of as you always hide behind a smile. And that makes you scary because I will never know when you will decide to hurt me or others dear to me. I shall try my best to stay out of your way. I do not know you that much after all.

tsubasa^^ scary people are everywhere

~ { 1:43 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


15 October 2011

Control control

人生就像一场戏, 因为有缘才相聚;
相扶到老不容易, 是否更该去珍惜;
为了小事发脾气, 回头想想又何必;
别人生气我不气, 气出病来无人替;
我若气死谁如意, 况且伤神又费力;
邻居亲朋不要比, 儿孙琐事由他去;
吃苦享乐在一起, 神仙羡慕好伴侣。

tsubasa^^ don't get angry easily

~ { 4:41 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


13 October 2011

Smile and the world smiles with you :)

"Pretending you are happy when you are in pain is just an example of how strong a person you are. Still making that simple smile when every part of you dies."

I believe everyone does that. Perhaps I just do it more. It is a really hard pretense to keep up but I shall endure. When my friends told me they feel sad to see me sad, all the more I should be happier. I should. I am sorry and yet I do not know what I am apologizing for. Perhaps it has always been me apologizing that it has become a habit. Why am I doing it?

tsubasa^^ when was the last time I smiled happily...

~ { 9:48 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


12 October 2011

appropriate for all those who feel the same way

Dear Sidewalk,

Please get wider. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Third friend walking behind feeling excluded

~ { 11:16 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


Why

You said you would not do it but you did it anyway. And I feel so hurt by it. Even though I may not agree to it but I would appreciate it if you had asked anyway... Like that I would not feel abandoned and neglected. So it was all big talk only? An act from the beginning to the end. I am so disappointed in you and in us. We are all hypocrites.

tsubasa^^ sick ttm today *nose leaking*

~ { 10:53 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


09 October 2011

I&apos;m that girl

"I’m that girl who forgives everyone who gets mad at me. I’m that girl who cares way too much about what people think of her. I’m that girl who fears being alone. I’m that girl who is scared of growing up. I’m that girl who acts like I’m tough when really, I feel like crying. I’m that girl who says yes to everything, because I hate disappointing people. I’m that girl who tries to be nice to everyone then gets taken advantage of. I’m that girl who doesn’t care if it’s a million dollars or a homemade card as long as you thought of me. I’m that girl who tries to express how she feels, but just can’t find the words. I’m that girl who everyone thinks they know, but they don’t."

tsubasa^^ I think, therefore I am.

~ { 9:56 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


fooled again

"We’re so good at fooling people. We’re great at acting like we’re okay, that we haven’t a single worry in the world. We have a smile that we’ve practiced over and over… so many times that we don’t even remember what our real smile looks like. Sometimes I wonder if we’ve fooled ourselves, too. Maybe we can convince ourselves that we’re “fine”. Maybe after repeating that word constantly, like a broken record, we come to believe it. Maybe the pain was never really there… maybe it’s normal to feel empty."

tsubasa^^ next time i'll smile for real

~ { 8:45 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


Fairy tales

We all need a little place in our hearts to believe that fairy tales do exist and happy endings do come true. I want it... I need it... And I have it. It is such believes that let me have the strength to carry on. Let's face it: I am a romantic at heart. I want the best for everyone. I want happy endings for everyone. I wonder if it is too much to ask the same for myself. Selfish versus selfless... Or maybe in-between is the best. Balance is the key. Balance. Treat myself better? I will try my best.

What I want now is a swing... To sit on it in solitude while I swing away... To a faraway place where no one knows me and no one needs me. I will not miss anyone and no one will miss me either. Swing up so high I can reach the sky and drop back so low I can feel the earth. Fantasy versus reality. Can I have a bit of both? Why am I not allowed? Stop trying to make me face reality... I want to live in fantasy for a little while.

I can't breathe. Why am I holding my breath? I should let it all out. But when? It is never the right time. When I do it, what will happen? I need to breathe normally again.

tsubasa^^ if I am gone, will anyone miss me?

~ { 1:03 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


08 October 2011

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does Mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason," was all his Dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his ribs to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strength and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wear, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart- the place where love resides."

By Suzie's Daily Quotes

So why am I crying? That is because I am a woman...

tsubasa^^ tears in heaven


~ { 12:52 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


07 October 2011

No regrets... Maybe...

開不了口

才離開沒多久就開始
擔心今天的妳過得好不好
整個畫面是妳 想妳想的睡不著

嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂是妳 想妳想的都會笑

沒有妳在我有多難熬
(沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱)
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱
(沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬)
穿過雲層 我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到 妳卻已在別人懷抱

就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要
我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
看妳睡著一直到老

就是開不了口讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空
我只能夠遠遠看著
這些我都做得到
但那個人已經不是我

Was singing this song with xl<3 at teo heng kbox at ntu alumni club today... And it got me thinking. This does not just apply to love. It applies to friend's and family too. Have you ever had an instance when you regretted not letting someone know how much you love and care for them? And before you know it that someone is gone... Either from your life or permanently. Such instances will be forever etched in your heart. I hope I never will have to bear such heartache... It will be too much for my heart of glass.

Maybe it is time to let someone you care for know how important they are to you... Where are we going to get the courage from is beyond my comprehension though. Faith and believe. The two strongest words that I have to encourage myself.

Be strong! I believe and have faith in you! Fight against the illness with all you have got...

tsubasa^^ the glass has cracked...

~ { 12:41 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


05 October 2011

Realization has dawned

Recently I have been on whatsapp so much that I realized I have been neglecting all my other friends who do not have whatsapp :/ one application has changed the way I communicate and touch base with the different groups of friends. Most of my uni friends have whatsapp... Some of my jc classmates have... And only half my nonet clique has whatsapp! So this means that I have been talking more to my ec clique than the others- not that I do not want to cause they are the ones who make my uni life better :)

I guess I have to balance my time in meeting up/messaging/chatting with friends... Obviously I am still in uni so that is why I see my ec clique more. But I will make time for my thirteens and nonet <3

I remembered my jc bio tutor once said: sometimes high tech is low tech. I thought it was ridiculous at that time but now that I think of it, it actually makes some sense. Technology has caused us to decrease the amount of face-to-face time and increase the frequency of online communication... So much so that I do not know what to say to some people offline LOL.

I shall use my time and the various communication devices (msn, SMS, call, ftf, whatsapp, twitter, blog) equally. Hope I can do it :)

tsubasa^^ get with it woman!

~ { 9:35 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


01 October 2011

food for thought

sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person...

tsubasa^^ am i lonely?

~ { 9:38 PM }
remembering the days when u were by my side


:)

Today marks the start of October and it ha always been one of my favorite days of a year... Children's Day! I have no idea why they would want to change it to the first Friday of October regardless if the date but to me today will always be the special day :):)

I do not want to grow up... Growing up has its advantages, sure. But it has its responsibilities as well... Which I think are much too heavy right now. For me that is. Studies, family, friends. I am supposed to find a balance among these three- so my bosses keep trying to drill into my head- and I am trying! 33.3% for each section and I would be left with 0.1% for myself... Which is a tad little isn't it? I guess sometimes I have to put myself first... I hope :)

Going for my junior's birthday party soon and she has liven up my entire day when she announced that the itheme is going to be children's day... I am going to be a child for that three hours. Nothing on my shoulders! Let me stay in my fantasy a little longer before facing reality :)

tsubasa^^ 不想长大

~ { 11:04 AM }
remembering the days when u were by my side