I'm a burden...

Lately it feels as though I have become a burden... For my family... For my friends... Most times people are worried about me... How I feel and what I am doing. I do not deserve it I think. When have I needed people to worry about me? I do not make people worry! I worry about other people instead. Now more than ever. I cannot help, I feel helpless. If I can help, I do not know if it is in the correct manner. So what now? Do nothing? Heck care? I know I cannot do that... Almost like never. Guess I am stupid. My wise friends always tell me: you are too selfless. Don't be stupid. Yeah I am I guess. Shall I become smarter then? Or shall I act blur and live my life. I guess it is easier this way. A wise friend once told me: you cannot control everything in life. Just take control of what you can and let go of the others. Yeah I will try my best to do that. No guarantees though.

Do not feel like talking anymore. To anyone. I want to bottle up my feelings and throw the bottle into the deep oceanic trench. Pray that it does not surface anymore. No feelings means I can experience no hurt. But life will be too meaningless and lonely that way... So maybe I should talk to the stars. They would not answer me and I do not have to answer to them either. A problem shall become a star in the sky. Twinkling up there instead of accumulating in the bottle. No bottlenecks and no cracks and no explosions. Only when meteor showers occur would my problems fall down onto earth again. Then i shall work them out. If it is the correct time. Yes I shall do that. Keep my mouth shut, zipped, sewn tight. You would not hear from me anymore... I shall hide behind my smile and act blur.

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears. Let it fill my soul and drown my fears.

tsubasa^^ 我需要我的星星，最好是流星雨。