i hate... that i'm scared...

life is scary. school is scary. family is scary. stop making me scared.

living in fear everyday from receiving a phone call that i absolutely do not want to receive. if the call ever comes, what am i going to do? breakdown and cry? that will be a cleansing experience at least. but what happens if i do not cry at all? what is worse is that what if i do not even feel anything? that i might as well be dead. i cannot do this. i can? confused right now. i will be strong though. try to be. i am strong actually. stronger than i have ever known. look at me smiling everyday. i am happy... am i? i guess so. if i do not smile, i will cry. that is so not me. i am a cheerful girl! most of the time.

studying is a huge stress right now. although i have studied more than i ever did before, it feels like i am standing on the spot... not even jogging or running. i am not moving forward. i am stupid i admit. i must! but i try harder. so i will not give up. at least there is something i can do on this issue. i will do my best! jiayou!

family problems piling up... it feels like a burden. when has my family become a burden to me? i do not know. but it is my obligation, my responsibility to take care of my family. i treasure it. i shall go out and work soon. in order to support my parents. hang in there mommy daddy. i just need one more year of studying. then i can do my share too...

time to stop emo-ing! feels so much better now that i have penned it all down. i need to study. i need to diet! getting fatter dieeeee. i shall start exercising again. i shall be healthier and cut down on my chocolates. i am my peers support :) i will not breakdown. ever.

tsubasa^^ just once i would like to smile without any burdens